Airchick

The continuing adventures of a female pilot of the airwaves.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Violet's Passing

Written by the director of Triangle Italian Greyhound Rescue:

Some four (or maybe five) years ago, on an icy January day, I got an urgent phone call from a volunteer with the IGCA rescue. There were several igs being housed in an unheated, drafty, barn here in NC. IGCA wouldn't take the dogs because they belonged to a breeder. The volunteer was really worried because one of the IG's was OLD, BLIND, and had 4 puppies. We were expecting another ice storm and the temperatures were going to drop down to single digits. The volunteer had arranged for all of the IG's to be moved to private rescues but NO ONE would take the OLD BLIND gal... the volunteer asked if I would take her... All of you who know me KNOW the answer to that question. Of COURSE I would take the old blind and mostly deaf gal. Her name was Violet!Violet was heartworm positive, had scars on her shoulders - we think from trying to push through the bars that housed her, was blind from PRA, mostly deaf, had multiple mammary tumors, and yes - four puppies. What kind of greed would cause someone to breed this gal?? We spayed Violet - holding our breath that she'd pull through anesthesia. She did. We took some of Violet's mammary tumors but we couldn't get them all and still have enough skin to close her spay incision. The biopsy came back as benign, but I suspect that at least some of the tumors were malignant. They continued to return and grow over time. Unfortunately they were inoperable due to their numbers and location. It was also decided that Violet was not a candidate for traditional heartworm treatment. The treatment itself could have killed her. So, Violet took Heartgard monthly in the hopes that eventually the adult heartworms would die off. They did. Violet was on my website available for adoption for nearly a year but not one single inquiry. Given her age, and her health, who could blame anyone for overlooking her. So, Violet became one of my Rescue Reps, traveling with me to different dog shows and agility trials where my rescue would have a booth. Her "partner in crime" was my old guy Peanut - some of you may remember him. Toothless, blind (one eye missing), deaf, and very proud of his two remaining testicles. Violet and Peanut were quite a pair and always attracted attention where ever they went. Especially since blind old Violet's favorite trick was climbing out of the xpen on her own (blind and all) to come looking for me. Once she found me, she'd raise up on her hind legs and paw me so I'd pick her up. She was indeed a charmer. By chance I ended up taking in one of Violet's puppies a few weeks later. I'm happy to report that Ms. Ariel was adopted by a wonderful family in Chapel Hill and I still get to see her from time to time. In fact, some of you have met Ariel (and her brother Blue) at a couple of our play dates. Hopefully we'll see Ariel this Saturday. In Violet's senior years here at TIGR, her favorite pass time was soaking up the sunshine on a blankie in the yard. I have many pictures of her staring into the warm sunshine and enjoying the smells. She knew her way around the yard, in and out of the doggie door, and had the best nose for treats of any dog I've met. This morning, I went out to pass out heartworm prevention (aka treats) in cream cheese and Violet was sunning herself in her favorite spot. I knew she'd smell the treats and head on over in her own time. After the other residents had all been attended to, I noticed Violet hadn't joined us so I went over to where she was sunning.... I found that my sweet Violet had passed on to the Rainbow Bridge - quietly and warmly in the sunshine. Rest peacefully my sweet Violet and enjoy your new body, free of tumors. Enjoy seeing the sights and hearing the sweet noises. Give Peanut a kiss and tell him I miss him. I will miss you too....

Monday, November 10, 2008

Meet Harriet



This is Harriet. Her time here on this cruel, crazy, beautiful world was certainly not as good as it could have been for her or someone who could have benefited greatly from her sweet and loving disposition. You can’t hear her but she’s purring very loudly as I take her picture.

Saturday my friend Linda and I were walking the Nuese trail with the pack (she has one poodle terrier mix and I have two IGs) and we spotted a couple of very young kittens who had been dumped at the end of the state road before the dam.

I could NOT get them out of my mind so after our walk Sunday morning I grabbed a carrier and headed out again.The two we saw yesterday were nowhere to be seen but under a rock, like a teensy tiny den, was Harriet - crying but not coming out even for food. It took me some serious maneuvering but I finally reached her and pulled her out - her back was broken lower down - her back legs and tail were not moving and her feet felt cool. I took her home – knowing what the outcome would be even before I placed the call to my good Dr. Regina.

She had a good meal and spent a good few hours purring on my lap both Sunday night and Monday morning. Her ability to eliminate was compromised, so even if we could have found a foster home for her, she would have likely suffered.

Spay and neuter your pets. If by chance you do find kittens, or your cat has kittens, please take them to a shelter. Kittens are very likely to be adopted. But kittens dumped by the side of the road will likely be killed by cars, predators, and cruel people. They will become infested with fleas and ticks are not likely to find enough to eat or drink and will suffer greatly. Even if they are euthanized at a shelter, they will not suffer as profoundly as they will if left in the wild.

We are the stewards of these vulnerable children of God. We owe them no less than kindness and care for the unconditional love they shower on us. I will pray for the person who is responsible for Harriet’s death and destruction.

Harriet purred until her very last breath. She deserved better.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Girlfriends

I'm nearly 50, and I can tell you that the friends I had in HS are gone, mostly because of distance. But that's not all. In high school, you really don't have a handle on who you are yet and your friendships are often socially expedient. I hung out with a group of girls that weren't upper echelon popular, mostly because none of us were willing to sacrifice our opinions and experiences to the mass mindset necessary for what passes for popularity among the largely unformed. We were art geeks who'd all been well-traveled (except for one - the sole cheerleader in the group who was too shy to be popular).

I now have very little in common with most of these women. One has five children and a husband that doesn't treat her very well. I can't identify. One spent time as a receptionist for an illegal brothel and was a drug mule for her much older boyfriend and ended up in a Columbian prison and is now under house arrest with her aged mother after being extradited (you can't make this shit up). One married and adopted two girls from China.

But, while I'm still single, my best friend (married with two boys) who I met in my mid-twenties - and is an 18+ hour drive away - has remained my friend because we truly love and respect each other - even though our lives are very different. Like any relationship it takes work. I have to deal with the fact that her husband and children are her main priority and that the "girl stuff" we like to do has to take a backseat for awhile. I did manage to guilt her into a long weekend visit sometime in the Fall. Yay! Toxic friendships do (and should) end.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Christmas Part Deux

This year I was bound and determined to have a great holiday with the family. I was going to rise above any familial friction, I was going to be a calm sea of serenity.

Not so much.

After the interminable nine-hour plus drive and a fairly decent night's sleep I decided to skip my aunt's conspicuous consumption party and my sister brought me a "doggie plate" of foods I could actually consume, yay! First hurdle cleared. BIL got shitfaced and was an absolute riot - and he gave Mom something to stress about: "they drink too much."

That first few days at Mom's doing next to nothing was a glorious break for me - it was only when we got to my sister's on Friday that I found she did not agree.

"My carpal tunnel is GONE! Mom took me to the acupuncturist!"

"I had to. She wouldn't stop whining about her wrist."

For the freaking record, I only told her my wrist hurt when she asked why I would wince or hold it in my left hand - and that may have amounted to half a dozen times in a week. Maybe more than once or twice a day when it was killing me - but I was in serious pain - couldn't open bottles or jars, comb or even wash my hair without pain. Don't imagine that folks who complain of this are overly wussy - it hurts like hell to do anything.

And she'd made the offer to make me an appointment before I even arrived, so ow.

Gift exchange: Sis hands me the gift bag with the qualifier "It's just a little something since you're so hard to buy for." Holy shit, way to basically say "you're picky so I don't even bother to try."

Passive aggressive much? I did reply "so are you," to which she said "I know."

Next year I'm going on a cruise - alone.

Oh yeah - overheard Mom telling her friend at the diner she owns and we frequent "she's so high maintenance." Yeah. I dress fairly well, bathe daily and wear makeup. Compared to Mom and her favorite daughter I guess that qualifies as high maintenance.

I so wish she could spend a week with our sales stable and check out these lipo-dissolved, plucked and enhanced mannequins. It might just give her a clue as to why it's fairly important in this day and age (where we objectify women almost as much as in the fifties) to try to look your best. In the entertainment industry looking like an unmade bed only gives you cred if you're a man in middle management. It means you're so powerful (and possibly good - but probably not) that you don't have to care.

At my advanced age, I cannot afford to look anything but polished. I'm surrounded by barbie dolls, I gotta make an effort! Plus, I am of the opinion that it's lazy not to put your best foot forward.

St Barts next year? M Bolton and the Sheridan harridan won't hit it two years in a row.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Both Sides of Mitchell

She has fans as diverse as Gene Simmons and Morrissey. Roberta Joan Anderson was born in Alberta, Canada, and raised in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, where she began studying piano at the age of seven. She credits her convalescence from a childhood bout with polio for early artistic sensitivity. Her artistic talent was obvious from an early age and she found support from teachers who encouraged both her painting and her poetry. As a teenager she taught herself ukulele and guitar. After a year in the Alberta College of Art, she made her way to Toronto to become a folksinger. Her early repertoire consisted mainly of folk standards until she began writing her own songs. In '65 Joni married fellow folksinger Chuck Mitchell, who had promised to take on the responsibility of Joni and her newborn daughter, fathered by her college ex-boyfriend. It was not destined to be. Mitchell put up her daughter for adoption shortly after the marriage and moved with Chuck to Detroit. In less than two years the marriage was over. Mitchell then relocated to New York and performed up and down the East Coast, building a considerable following. covered by Buffy Saint-Marie and Judy Collins (her idol), Mitchell began to impact other artists. Other musicians recognized her talent and did what they could to bring her to the attention of record companies. By March 1968, David Crosby had convinced Reprise to release Joni's first acoustic album, for which he received a producer's credit. In December of '68, Judy Collins' version of "Both Sides Now" peaked in the Top 10 and brought a great deal of anticipation for Joni's second album, Clouds. More than thirty years and twenty award-winning and critically acclaimed albums later, Mitchell is still growing as an artist, challenging the expectations of fans and the industry with her latest album, Both Sides Now. If we had list all of her important contributions to contemporary music, we'd have no room left for the interview. Mitchell proved to be as thoughtful and interesting to speak with as her music has always proven to be. We can't think of a single individual that would be a more stimulating and welcome guest for our next dinner party.

What high points in your career stand out?
I've never contemplated this, I can't really think of anything singularly. I don't really think of this as a career, it's more like a journey. But, the most satisfying element is the creative process, the satisfactory solution of a problem. The making of this album was a thrilling experience. Four songs are with a seventy-one piece orchestra, four with forty-two, and four with a twenty-two. It was thrilling to work with a really big orchestra with seventy-one people playing harmony - playing with such emotional engagement. They weren't reading the Wall Street Journal behind their sheet music. They crowded into the playback room - they wept through "Both Sides…" They jumped to their feet at the end of the first take of "A Case Of You." Those Color moments, in what could have been a purely hired-gun situation, were wonderful. The feeling of having seventy-two, people engaged in the musical experience, just the largess of the tribe, definitely was one of the thrills of my musical journey. That was an interesting project. Don Juan's Reckless Daughter was probably my favorite album in the studio, for many reasons. There was so much innovation going on and high-spiritedness. The joy of the Latino element on that project, that kind of radiant equatorial energy, makes that album stand out.

You've recorded twenty albums. Which of them are your favorites?
They're all so different. Each one has such a different spirit. Hejira was written and conceived pretty much in solitude driving across America, so it had a kind of Buddhist melancholy. Don Juan... was Latino, so it was Brazilian and boisterous. There's the writing period and then there's the recording period. Each project is schematically quite different from the others, so it's kind of hard to pick which spirit you prefer. To prefer is to limit. They all have their own individual characters. I have four cats and sometimes Nietzsche, who's my most romantic cat -he gives me the deepest kind of feelings - is my favorite. And then, along comes Mojo, who's a delightful cat. He makes me giggle. He's so audacious. I can't prefer one spirit to the other. Variety is the spice of life. In order to make a choice like that I'd have to pick out a favorite feeling, and they're all valid. I prefer fun, all in all. But the light without the dark, and even negative situations, is not as valuable. And great beauty can come out of the negative. If you go through a bad space in your life and you're able to turn it into something - that's a wonderful thrill. You've turned it around in the yin yang of it all; you've made the best of a bad situation.

Tell me about the songs on Both Sides Now. Two of them are yours, how did you pick the others?
"Stormy Weather" was the first one that I learned and that's when I got a taste of singing with a big orchestra. I sang that in a benefit here in Los Angeles to save Walden Pond. The thrill 0f standing up and singing with a big orchestra- just singing because I'm always singing and playing - the liberty of just being a singer was incredible I told the Musical Director - my ex-husband, Larry Klein, and the arranger - that I'd like to do it again. We decided that we would take on this project. "Stormy Weather" was the first one. Then, having heard me sing that, a friend of mine, suggested a couple of Billie Holiday's songs that were relatively unknown. "You're My Thrill" and "Comes Love" - and, I worked up "Comes Love" and sang it in the second leg of my tour last year with Bob Dylan. Bobby came to the room and said, "That new voice, that new voice, where'd you get that new voice? I like that new voice."

That song even sounded like it was one of your compositions to me.
Well, I re-wrote it quite a bit. If you go back and check Billie's version, I've changed some of the words, and I've restructured them chronologically. I put all of the diseases in the second half and all the weather elements in the first so I could memorize it because it was all over the place. I re-wrote a couple of lines because they were dated. So, I did a little re-writing and I changed the melody quite a bit. Somewhere along the line I got the idea of making the record the arc of a romantic relationship. Within that context I picked songs that I felt fleshed out that story, and I included two of my own. "Both Sides Now" is technically one of the last of the standards. People don't re-record songs much any more, but I used it because I thought it was a good synopsis; that it would make a good ending. I used "A Case Of You" because it dealt with the ability to take it. I'm sure there are other songs that deal with that, that aren't doormat songs. It's like things aren't going right but I can take it. There are probably hundreds of songs like that, and maybe a couple of great ones, but I couldn't find them so I used my own song. So, you get smitten, you celebrate the love, and the moment that you celebrate it and the relationship is conceived - romantically - the moment the love is secured, which is perfection, the thing becomes unstable and begins to head towards its opposite. That's just the law of human nature, and nature. Speaking personally, that isn't so much my experience, but with every up side there's a down side. For instance, sensitivity - which is not in and of itself a bad thing - has several qualities. The up side of it that it creates depth in a person; the down side of it is that it creates quandary in a person. So, if a person loves your depth but doesn't love your quandary, they almost have to be educated to see that part of the reason they love you does have its down side. You have to be able to defend yourself, because sometimes people attack traits in you that they like the up side of, but they're unwilling to deal with the down side. It would be nice if we had enough self-knowledge to be able to defend ourselves, and our prejudices, by saying, "I don't like that trait of his, but on the other hand, the flip side of that trait is this part, which I like." You almost have to say, "Well, I'm willing to put up with that part because For instance, "I like his snappy banter—which comes from his clarity—but he can also be capricious and cruel."
At the end there is a great deal of acceptance—acceptance that there's going to be change. At least it flowed like that for me.

You get to the Frank Sinatra song "I Wish I Were In Love Again," which is a climax before the climax. It's gone now but I wish I were in love again, in spite of how horrible it turned out to be. I'd do it again in a minute. I like that song as coming near the end, and that could have even been the ending. "Both Sides Now" is an ending with a lot of clarity and depth. The sum is greater than the parts. Everybody's been through romantic love, although there are facets of it, of course, that aren't depicted because you have to do it in twelve steps. I would have liked to really taken it to the bottom with "Gloomy Monday," and there are so many songs like "Sophisticated Lady." "Dining, smoking, drinking never thinking of tomorrow." There are a lot of aspects that I didn't deal with because most of the songwriting of this century deals with one aspect or another of romantic love to varying degrees of insight and beauty. But those are the ones I chose and that's why.

Was it a conscious decision to make it so lush? You worked with members of the London Symphony Orchestra.
Vince Mendoza is the arranger and we worked here with an orchestra called The El Nino Orchestra, which was a hand-picked group from the L.A. Symphony. Generally, when he records, he does so with the London Symphony Orchestra, the best classical orchestra in the world right now, and also because of union expenses. It was actually cheaper to go over there. Some of the other players happened to be there as well. Herbie [Hancock] was there, and Peter Erskine and the bass player [Chuck Berghofer], they were all there so we didn't have to pay for their tickets. The record company loans you the money and then you have to pay it back. This could have been a very expensive project.

Did you record it at George Martin's studio?
It is one of the best rooms in the world to record strings, so even if they hadn't been so invested in the project it was going to sound great. But it was an unexpected delight that they got emotionally engaged in the music. You can hear it. You can feel it. In "Both Sides Now" in particular, sometimes when the strings swell up, they were crying while they were playing, with a lot of nose-blowing at the end of it. You can feel the fire. It hits you up under your ribs. It's quite powerful.

How do you think radio's going to react to the sound of the record?
Well, it's a problem demographically. What's happened to music, the tragedy of turning it into a poker game, makes it really difficult. It's a poker game controlled by sponsorship and bean counters. It doesn't have much to do with music or quality any more. It's more like jingles for the sponsors. It's all carefully researched, and the people that form radio's ratings are shut-ins. People that answer the phone and fill out a diary are not the most intelligent portion of the populace. You know that people answering these polls are generally very young... Only people that are twelve to eighteen or weirdos will actually answer the phone and take a radio survey, so that's who forms the ratings. We wouldn't even let these people vote, but they vote on our music and it's dying. Music is icky. It's not musey, it's icky.

Shawn Colvin recorded Fat City in your house?
That whole album was recorded in the house, yes.
She's just one artist that cites you as an influence. What do you say to younger artists coming up that want to stay true to their art while dealing with the industry?
Don't give them your publishing. Don't give them more than ten songs on an album unless your contract has been extended to include twelve. Young kids are giving sixteen and eighteen songs and they're only being paid for ten. Stay true to yourself. That's very difficult to do because they sic a producer on you who interior decorates your music into a demographic, and guarantees that it will be dated within a decade so they can kiss you off and get another young artist, so that they never have to pay you well. The whole thing's a racket. It thrives on mediocrity. It thinks of people and artists as disposable. It doesn't really care much for talent. It can't recognize talent. Most of the people signed are not signed because people think the artists are great, but because they might sell. The music business does not love music any more. Do I sound cynical?

Not entirely, but I do talk to people that still truly love music.
In the music business? In what position? Where are they?

Who influences you?
Anything that I admire, which can be a moment, or anyone who has influenced me in the past. Rachmaninoff; Debussy; Chopin; Chuck Berry; Edith Piaf; Billie Holiday; Bob Dylan; Leonard Cohen.

Over the years you've become pretty famous for your guitar tunings, how did you develop the odd tunings? Did someone show you?
In the beginning a standard for tuning a guitar was established in Spain, which we call standard tuning or Spanish tuning. that's the normal way that a guitar is tuned. In the south a lot of the black guitar players came from banjo to guitar and tuned the guitar in banjo tuning, open G tuning, which is what Keith Richards plays in. Banjos are five-string as opposed to six string. So Keith takes one string off and plays in banjo tuning, which is what Robert Johnson did. The black guitar tradition in America chose to tune the guitar like a banjo, and that tuning floated to the coffee houses and to people who played in the style of the black Blues players. There was another tuning called D module, which was simply dropping the bottom string down from a 7E to a D. There were three or four tunings. The Hawaiian guitarists, not knowing Spanish tuning, tuned to a open chord, - I don't know whether an open C, but very sunny - because their culture was so kind of bright. Their environment created a modality of joy, so there's the slack key tradition. So I didn't really invent different tunings. I couldn't get the harmony that I heard inside of me into the music with standard tuning. I could get it on the piano but I couldn't get it on the guitar. Eric Anderson showed me some different tunings in '65 and I immediately abandoned standard tuning for open tunings. I loved a certain period of Miles Davis' music and the harmony was more module and wide open and I began to tune the guitar to eleventh chords; wider chords which were more emotionally complex. The equivalent in painting would be a mix of two complimentary colors. You gray the colors and get a stony color that's a hybrid. Hybrid chords were more like my life, neither tragic nor completely happy. They were more suspenseful chords. That's why they're called suspended chords, they leave you unresolved; not resolved like a major, or resolved purely into tragedy like a minor. I developed an appetite for these chords and I would tune the guitar to a chord that felt like I felt, or sounded like the place where I was when I played. Sometimes I'd tune to the sounds I heard in the environment. Over a period of time, every time I would write a new song I'd go to the old tunings and none of them coughed up the music that suited the words, so I'd invent another tuning and they began to accumulate. It is very hard on guitars to be tuning them like that all the time. I painted myself into a corner where I was destroying instruments, because they are not designed by the luthier to hold different tensions. The necks would warp and caused performance problems. Then along came the VG8, which digitally can be programmed for different tunings. I can press a button and, boom, another tuning; boom, and another tuning. The VG8 technically remains in standard tuning with the correct tension on the neck, and is being told digitally that it's in another tuning, so it never really goes out of standard tuning.

I enjoyed the paintings on both Turbulent Indigo and Taming The Tiger. Have you been painting lately? Are any exhibits planned for the future?
I had a show in L.A. in December at Lace on Hollywood Boulevard. I'm supposedly - although I've got so much on my plate I don't know how I'm going to pull this off - going to launch a retrospective which goes around the world for a couple of years, starring in my hometown at the Mendle Museum. That was scheduled for June, but now there's some talk of television in April; like a tribute show with a cast of people interpreting my songs. In May I'm supposed to tour, do an orchestral tour like the Three Tenors. Come to town and pick up a local symphony. That is pending. With all of that, how I'm going to find the time to prepare for an exhibition, I don't know. Things are going to have to be weeded out.

Is there anything you'd like to do?
I'm going to do another project like this because the appetite still remains. I want to go back to this restaurant one more time. We've already begun Mendoza and Klein and I - to do another album. Klein picked the repertoire, but it's too dark. He's Russian. It's all my songs rather than standards; revisited but in this kind of Classical/Jazz setting. It needs a little levity, frankly, it's all of the soul-searching tunes with no release. It's slit-your-wrist-time.

Is there anybody you'd like to work with that you haven't, yet?
I always wanted to work with Miles, but that never happened. That's been the only regret of mine. He's the only person I can think of that I wanted to work with that I haven't. I've worked with such great people. There's always bound to be something that will inspire a desire to collaborate. I wouldn't say that I've done everything that I wanted. I like to approach each record as if it was my first. I thought about doing an album of Country songs. I like a couple of artists in every genre, I don't belong to one orthodoxy. There's so much to do that would be interesting. I can tell you what the next project will be because we've already begun, with the intention of recording again in England in August. Because the chemistry was so good it warrants two projects at least, and maybe even three. I would like to do a Christmas album, using some of my dark little Christmas songs. A concept like 'Have Yourself A Dreary Little Christmas," with a mixture of secular and Christian hymns. So, that's something for the future.

You're well aware of the jonimitchell.com Web site, aren't you?
I don't have a computer. I met Wally [Breese]. He's a lovely man. I love what he's done there, and the people who have congregated around it are really an interesting group of people. They sent me a cookbook for my birthday; all these Web people, the regulars. They've met and gathered there, and formed a kind of a circle of friends. They're very bright, and oddly, humorous people. For the cookbook each person contributed a favorite recipe, and they gave it some name that referred to one of my songs. I haven't had a chance to cook anything from it, but I've read some of it, and it is quite delicious-sounding. At the back of book there were individual bios that referred to philosophical and other musical interests, so you get a kind of portrait of the fans that you wouldn't otherwise. I was impressed with their humor and their individuality. They're really some special people.

Dedicated to Wally Breese, Webmaster of JoniMitchell.com, who succumbed to cancer on February 4, 2000, two days before his 48th birthday and two days after this Interview.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Things my mother taught me:

Treat people the way you wish to be treated, always. Even in school when I was the only one doing so, it made me a better person. I only hurt people’s feelings by accident.

She will always love me. So will my father, and so does God. And so do my boys (cats and dog).

She’s proud of my talent and my intelligence.

No one loves you like your mother does. She’s described it as frighteningly powerful.

No man, no matter how wonderful and loving, can make you happy. Only you can do that.

You can do anything if you want it badly enough.

Satisfaction comes from doing something really well, no matter how trivial it seems.

Comfort and “pleasing to the eye” are far more important attributes in your home than being able to eat off the floor. Who’d want to do that anyway?

Things last longer if you take good care of them.

Marriage and children are not a requirement of your gender. It’s a choice you can choose to opt out of if it doesn’t seem like the best way for you to live.

You are a complete person and a success even single and childless.

You are not what you own.

Strive for moderation, even with moderation.

Pain and grief teach you about others as much as they teach you about yourself.

Consider the pros and cons, decide and then bravely go forth.

Looking back and thinking “why didn’t I know how – lovely, lucky, smart, gifted – I was when I was younger” isn’t rare, it’s typical.

Regrets are useless except as tools for the next choice.

It’s OK to take care of yourself first. In fact, it’s crucial.

There will be at least one asshole every place you work or reside. Get over it.

Everything happens for a reason.

Even painful experiences can teach you something.

Spiders are creepy.

My grandfather thought spiders were from another planet.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease. When a company gives you crap service or merch, it’s your responsibility to complain.

Your mother is always right.

Do not think this a complete list by any means – just the few that come to mind.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Happy Father's Day - My Sister's Tribute

My Dad passed away on Saturday, 11/13/04. He was working to recover from a pretty bad heart attack that he had on 10/30. One thing to note for anyone who is diabetic or who loves a diabetic, they don't necessarily feel heart attack pain. Diabetes can mask the pain of a heart attack. He didn't feel any pain, just sick and weak. It's probably why he didn't get diagnosed right away and may have contributed to the large amount of damage done.
After a couple of weeks in the hospital and a new pacemaker/defibrillator, he was checked into a nursing/rehab facility. Saturday the 13th was his second full day working at rehab.
He had a great last day. My Mom and I, my cute cousin, Sara, and my Uncle Jack and Aunt Sali were with him all afternoon. We had a wonderful time, talking, laughing and annoying the other patients with our noise, I'm sure.

Dad kept joking that we were going to need to find a better place for next year's family reunion. We all left at around 6:00 and about five minutes later, he was gone. His roommate, Harry, said that they were talking and laughing some more and Dad kind of fell back in his bed. It was like a light went out. There was nothing anyone could do.

We had his memorial service this past Saturday, the 20th. It was very personal and moving. My great-uncle, Jack officiated and also shared some personal stories. I got up and blubbered my way through a few minutes and then my sister was comic relief and told some stories. After the flag was presented to my Mom, TJ sang the first two verses of Amazing Grace 'a capella' and then the piper chimed in from the hallway. In full regalia, he came through the chapel playing Amazing Grace on bagpipe (my Dad's all-time favorite), walked out the back and the song faded off. It was beautiful and there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

My Dad was a wonderful man who loved and was loved by everyone. The following is the eulogy I wish that I had been able to deliver.

My Dad and I had a great relationship and there wasn't a lot that I left unsaid. On his last day, as I was saying good-bye, I leaned over and gave him a kiss and said, "I love you." He said "Thank you." My Mom overheard, and laughed and told him that I was his daughter and I loved him and he didn't have to thank me for loving him. He said "I know and I think that it's wonderful." I think that he was probably thanking me for telling him that I loved him.
If I did get one more chance to talk to Dad, I would tell him "Thank you."

Thank you for showing me true kindness. Dad was unfailingly kind to everyone. He spent the last fifteen years of his life working in merchandising at the Polynesian Village in Disney World. He absolutely loved his job. He taught himself how to say "Thank you" in 62 different languages so that he could make all of the guests feel welcome. He was known as the "Magic Penny Man." He kept a dish of pennies and glitter at his counter and when he saw parents who needed help, he would distract the kids by giving them a "magic" penny. He told them that if they used the magic penny to make a wish, the wish would come true. Then he would tell them that they couldn't put the penny in their mouth because it would wash the magic off. Behind their backs, the children's frazzled parents would be mouthing the words "Thank you!"

Thank you, Dad, for exemplifying honor and honesty. The man could NOT lie.
Even when he knew that he was supposed to keep a secret, he always blabbed. I remember that when he left his job at Illinois Forge where he had been the Sales Manager for six years, he came home and was unpacking the box that he had used to clean out his desk. He was horrified to find that he had taken a box of three golf balls with the Illinois Forge logo on them.
He thought that he had 'stolen' them.

Thank you, Dad, for teaching me to appreciate the finer things in life. Of course, I'm not always thankful to have lobster tastes to accompany my cheeseburger wallet. Dad turned us all on to fine wine, single-malt scotch, small-batch bourbon and ethnic food of all kinds. He's the only
person that I knew to call on my cell phone while on a road trip. "Dad, we're hungry for lunch and coming into Monteagle, Tennessee. Where's a good place to eat?" He knew where to go and made a recommendation for what menu item I should order.

Thank you for showing me that it's always better to roll with the punches. Dad was very laid-back and patient. He lived with three very controlling, high-maintenance women and I can't ever remember a time when he lost his patience. Even when I became a single mom at the age of nineteen, he never made me feel like he loved or respected me any less. He rolled up his sleeves and became the best grandfather that he could.

Finally, thank you, Dad, for showing me how a loving husband and father behaves. He showed me what qualities I needed to look for in a man. I kissed a lot of frogs before I found the man to stand up to my father's princely example. He demonstrated every day how happy he was, how much he loved life and how proud he was of his wife, daughters, grandson and son-in-law. His legacy lives on in all of us who remember him and try to live up to his example.

From me: We miss you Daddy, everyday.